ride or die

Dear, whomever you are, that may be reading this at this present time. Today was an ultimate low and I have cried and fought, screamed and lost control. It's all shit. Everything. I don't even understand how everything got so bad. You know how maybe years from now, everything might be worse or it might be better or i guess it could be the same but i think i will look back at this moment of time and think that i could have improved things all by myself. It's like those stories you hear or the films you see about a girl/guy who is at the bottom of everything and then suddenly somebody will come along and sprinkle some fairy dust on them, there'll be a montage of clips with an inspiration song playing over and suddenly they will be a brand new person, well i keep expecting this moment to happen to me but nothing comes, nothing happens and there'll be like a moment, probably just before i go to bed when i truly believe something good like this can and will happen to me but morning comes and nothing changes. i am stationary, maybe even going backwards, spiralling downwards.